So I indulge myself every now and again in my favorite genre of movies. I know it's rather strange, but I do enjoy the "Notebook" and "Last Song" style movies that touch every sense of life, in my opinion. While watching "Charlie St. Cloud" I was reintroduced to a wise poet whom I really would have loved to meet. E.E. Cummings is a wise man with a witty and insightful soul. I feel as though we would have had many similarities to discuss while on the front porch of a country pub with a mug of brew and a nice fresh cuban. Though all are wise one phrase has taught me that we are all poets, not necessarily of words but of passion. We all are in search of some sort of greatness that we will go to any depths to attain. So it has been said

"Such was a poet and shall be and is--who'll solve the depths of horror to defend a sunbeam's architecture with his life: and carve immortal jungles of despair to hold a mountain's heartbeat in his hand"

Fire sets in just as the water starts to flood.
Sand fills the lake to seal its flow to the thirsty
Defying the people is now the quest.
'Tis fickle, this heart
and fragile as I pine for mercy
You are on your way and I shall soon see refuge

Drew: Santa don't drink milk, mommy.
Jenn: What does Santa drink then?
Drew: Beer

Thank again Budweiser commercials for your great audience influence

Today Mr. Lennon, your words still ring true. You are missed

As I near the point where future plans will actually start putting themselves in sight, I wonder what I am actually meant to do. Others realize that this must be figured out already but I'm not entirely sure what the answer is for me. I have had many achievements in life and 2 that I am more than excited about.
1. I found someone who loves me. I don't mean that I was always hated by everyone. I mean, I found someone who truly loves me for who I am. She is not required to be around me, was not encouraged swayed or persuaded to pursue me. She could have had any other friend, partner, companion, lover, amigo, etc. She chose me and that itself is a humbling thing that a woman THIS AMAZING has chosen me to spend forever with. This is a true blessing.
2. I have been given the opportunity to start and international entertainment corporation that is specifically designed to revolutionize the strategies and inner workings of the entertainment industry. Being the financial "number cruncher" for something THIS HUGE is truly rewarding. 40 years from now my name will be written down in the books as a co-founding father of this bold, never-before-attempted, masterpiece of a company. Words truly don't exist for the way that this makes me feel. I am more than awe-struck at the way God places these things in my life.

So into the future I look. Confused, exhausted, amazed, anxious, and brave. Who knows what more I can add to this list in the future.

                  "And even though you know your heart is breaking For a little longer still you must be whole to love the life that's given for the taking And to give the love the living's given for"

 Sometimes we are afraid of giving up our center and sacrificing the largest parts of ourselves, but at times we realize that this is the most plausible and necessary action. I have decided that part of my life must be gone and my heart must return to the vital resources it once knew. I cannot please them and I won't try.

Don't let anyone shoot down the desires of your heart because they are "uneducated and foolish". Follow your heart and do what you have to do for God and for yourself. No one has better advice for your future other than God. If He is a part of your love life and happiness, that is all that matters and you need to pursue it! Your heart belongs to God and no relationship, even family, is worth giving up the chance of true sacrificing love that can never be severed.

As of now, I officially quit the fight to win the unattainable prize. My life makes no sense to you and nor yours to me. I have to do what I have to do for me. I have to believe that God will hold me upright next to his heart. Your internal struggles leaking out have exhausted all that I am. I can no longer bare your pain or the misery of any concern regarding you or your mistakes. Please know that I will always love you and I am always here. I cannot accredit any words that have been offered by you nor abide by any of your advice that aids a vain effort. The ocean my tears and grief from you my sand, all that has injured me is drowned. I now part to the desert. Dry sand unknown to me is a fresh life that is untouched by misery. There is plenty more crying to be had but from now on, in joy. You are on your own and God is there if you need anything. True sacrifice is understood only in its immediate action put in to place. You are a burden I must purge from my life and I refuse to inflict any more of your pain on myself or the relationship with my Father who loves me. Peace be with you, Prayers are endless, I love you!