7
Maybe I know somewhere, Deep in my soul, that Love never Lasts
Posted by The Persistant Observer
on
10:20 AM
My 20th Birthday was this week. WOO HOO...not really. Birthdays have never been an exhuberantly happy time to me. I haven't had a party since I was like 12 and I get irritated when people act unrealistically nice to you just because it's your birthday. It's dumb and weird. For years after year in my youth I either spent the birthday at church camp on someone else's schedule or at home alone because mom and dad were out of town. The only thing I really look forward to on my birthday is the greetings I get from people. They may not be closest friends or strong relationships but it says something that they took 5 seconds from their day to say Happy Birthday to you.
I get a brief Happy Birthday text from mom on her way to work that morning but then I hear nothing all day. After I get off work, I call her to initiate conversation when her voice inflection clearly stated that she did not care to talk at that time. No greeting was given. Once getting back from eating dinner with my girlfriend, sister, and various other friends, my sister asks "So, did you have a good birthday?". Now me and my sister have been working on our relationship as siblings and being supportive of each other so for her to concerningly ask me this particular question really meant a lot to me. At that point I thought and immediately grew into a deep state of emotional pain when I realized that neither of parents bothered to make at least a 4 minute phone call to simply say Happy Birthday and I Love You. When I got home and checked facebook, I noticed my mom left a facebook note on my wall. I guess it serves as the same for some, but at the least, your parents should make a phone call.
Now my parents have never been the kind to be emotional, rational, or truly comforting in most situations of this matter so I wasn't really surprised but nonetheless hurt. I was 18 before my dad told me, "Son, I'm proud of you" for the first time. I remember crying like crazy out of pure excitement. My whole life, my parents have always acted like I was some burden on them because they spend their money, their time, their money, their stress, their money, --oh and did I mention their money?-- to support me. Since I started college, I rarely ask for anything because I know that if I ask for 5 dollars from them, then I get a guilt trip 2 months later because I just bought a 89 cent limeade and it wasn't necessary.
Their spending, social, and relational habits have always been a LARGE thorn in my side but I keep it quiet because it's honestly not worth another fight over. I have fought too many battles over it and I just rather ignore it and do my own thing anyway. I guess their money and their own personal wants and whims will always be loved more than the real treasures of life.
I know that they do care, sometimes, and for the most part they do love me, just perhaps, but it comes in spurts. I believe Haley Williams said it well "we've got to find other ways to make it alone, keep a straight face. And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance."
I get a brief Happy Birthday text from mom on her way to work that morning but then I hear nothing all day. After I get off work, I call her to initiate conversation when her voice inflection clearly stated that she did not care to talk at that time. No greeting was given. Once getting back from eating dinner with my girlfriend, sister, and various other friends, my sister asks "So, did you have a good birthday?". Now me and my sister have been working on our relationship as siblings and being supportive of each other so for her to concerningly ask me this particular question really meant a lot to me. At that point I thought and immediately grew into a deep state of emotional pain when I realized that neither of parents bothered to make at least a 4 minute phone call to simply say Happy Birthday and I Love You. When I got home and checked facebook, I noticed my mom left a facebook note on my wall. I guess it serves as the same for some, but at the least, your parents should make a phone call.
Now my parents have never been the kind to be emotional, rational, or truly comforting in most situations of this matter so I wasn't really surprised but nonetheless hurt. I was 18 before my dad told me, "Son, I'm proud of you" for the first time. I remember crying like crazy out of pure excitement. My whole life, my parents have always acted like I was some burden on them because they spend their money, their time, their money, their stress, their money, --oh and did I mention their money?-- to support me. Since I started college, I rarely ask for anything because I know that if I ask for 5 dollars from them, then I get a guilt trip 2 months later because I just bought a 89 cent limeade and it wasn't necessary.
Their spending, social, and relational habits have always been a LARGE thorn in my side but I keep it quiet because it's honestly not worth another fight over. I have fought too many battles over it and I just rather ignore it and do my own thing anyway. I guess their money and their own personal wants and whims will always be loved more than the real treasures of life.
I know that they do care, sometimes, and for the most part they do love me, just perhaps, but it comes in spurts. I believe Haley Williams said it well "we've got to find other ways to make it alone, keep a straight face. And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance."
